Love for a Brother
by ExposedDesires
Summary: A certain memory haunts Sasuke even after several years have passed, and his feelings become more apparent when the person the memory involves comes back home for Christmas. AU, Incest, M/M, WIP, Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

_It's wrong. I already know this, but the feelings persist. They prick my mind like barbs making them nearly impossible to ignore. These feelings for my brother…_

_---_

A sixteen year old had nothing better to do on a Saturday than to lay in bed a few extra hours later than could ever be afforded during the week. He lay there a good while with his arm thrown over his eyes to keep the blinding morning sun from reaching his eyelids through the slats of the window blinds, but despite his desperate attempt to will himself back to sleep, his mind wandered. Homework, school, friends, and family, his mind covered all the major fields of the endless abyss that was his mind. He never lingered long, but perhaps one place more than others did he frequent: family. Not necessarily his whole family, more like one individual family member: his brother. His one and only brother incited hatred, loathing, envy, happiness, and even love all in one instant within his body.

His elder brother: Itachi.

Scrunching his closed eyes the sixteen year old scowled as his breathing quickened. Very frequently did his mind go over the subject of his elder brother whether he willingly wanted to or not. First, his perfection and how he loathed how such a brother could be so effortlessly perfect. Then, envy of that perfection. He wished he could have followed in his brother's footsteps to make his parents proud. He frowned. _Fuck them. _Then his thoughts turned to a subject less conventional and wholly taboo, a love that was not meant to be. He had always admired Itachi, looked up to him, his brother was his hero and his rival. Years then shifted between them, things changed, and feelings became muddled and indiscernible.

_When had things changed? _

_When he went to college, and I was left behind. _

The Christmas Itachi returned from his first fall semester of university life there were some obvious changes, not that their parents had noticed. Only the younger noticed the changes in the elder brother, the way he smiled differently at him and only him, like he knew something the younger did not. That smile was what changed everything, that was what had roused such feelings…

Scowling harder the young man rolled over and planted his face into his pillow. _God, that smile._

At their parent's annual Christmas party the day following Itachi's arrival, the elder brother joined the elder relatives in drinking eggnog and alcohol. The younger was merely a spectator, on the outside looking in as all those who've assumed the rite of passage consumed all they could handle and more. He can still remember the laughter and antics, and when the guests retired and their parents attempted to clean the mess of their kitchen in their drunken stupor while they chatted aimlessly, Itachi and Sasuke were left alone in the living area. Smiling that smile, Itachi beckoned Sasuke with a flick of his wrist.

"_Help me to my room."_ He'd managed through a sip of a dark amber liquid sloshing about in a tall clear glass etched with Christmas trees in a noticeable pattern. Smaller fingers that hadn't filled out completely covered those of Itachi's, taking the glass from him and setting it on a nearby coffee table. For a moment both stilled as they looked at each other in the dim light of the twinkle lights from the Christmas tree that flashed different colors at different intervals. Then did Sasuke break the spell and lean down to pull his brother up from the plush living room couch though it was no easy task. The elder leaned on the younger heavily as they took the first few steps toward the stairs unsteadily. A few more steps and Itachi tripped on air. They both fell onto the other eliciting drunken guffaws and stifled laughter.

"_Shh, you're being too loud."_ Sasuke had said between bouts of muffled laughter as he tried to pull his brother back to a standing position. He noticed though that Itachi had suddenly stopped laughing, his face morphing into a serious mask with glazed eyes looking heavenward.

"_Mistletoe."_ Sasuke turned to see what Itachi was referring to, which he had yet to comprehend before strong hands grappled large fistfuls of clothing and pulled him downward. Warm lips pressed chaste against his own, and for one brief instance his lips sinfully touched that of his brothers, and all too soon that brief contact ended just as it had came. When they hesitantly parted, Itachi just licked his lips and smiled.

_Ugh._

That particular memory was thoroughly covered on a day to day basis. As if it were proof the elder felt the same for the younger.

A fist collided into his pillow beside his face. _No one._ No one had ever made him feel as his brother made him feel. Absolutely no one had ever sparked his interest, and whether that was more proof that he was irrevocably in love, he had yet to decide. Sighing, the young man rolled over, now fully awake he stared at the white expanse of the ceiling above. It was time to get up.

Time had passed since then, since that night, nearly four years ago. Itachi had been busy last Christmas and the Christmas before and the one before that, leaving Sasuke alone with relatives he'd rather not visit with. He'd spent those Christmases depressed and locked away in his room listening to music from his MP3 player, and reading books that did not entirely capture his attention. When he got bored with books he fooled around on the internet chatting with friends and playing games. Naruto had visited the Christmas before, but this Christmas was reserved for his girlfriend.

Sasuke opened his door and padded across the bare wood floor to the communal bath he and Itachi once shared. He wore nothing more than his boxers, his parents still had a few days of work before their Christmas holiday, and didn't see the point in wasting thought on whether he should shrug on a shirt or not if he knew no one was home. He only planned to take a quick piss then dive back into the warm mound of blankets and sheets he'd just vacated anyway.

The cool floor of the bath chilled his toes as he poised himself before the toilet while his mind began to wander once again. Itachi had graduated with honors last spring and was offered a job not long after. He was paid well, and already owned his own home at age twenty-one. Supposedly their mother and father visited, but Sasuke declined the invitation to go with and never asked about it. Just seeing Itachi after so long at his graduation was enough to stir emotions within that he thought had been trivial. Like a childhood crush or the fleeting dream of a twelve year old.

Shaking the piss of his dick, Sasuke placed himself back in his boxers, lowered the lid, and flushed the toilet. He shifted in front of the sink and looked at himself in the overhead mirror. He hadn't changed much, Itachi was still the brother Sasuke remembered, but little things were different. He was wiser no doubt, more experienced, and confidant as ever. Those knowing eyes caught Sasuke's after the graduation ceremony, just for a moment, but it seemed as if he was looking into his very soul which caused Sasuke to look quickly away. Sasuke shook his head at the memory and ran a hand through his mused hair as he stepped out of the bathroom and into the hall. They barely knew each other any more, and anything that they did know about the other was strictly found out through their mother.

Sasuke's jaw clenched as he paused at his open bedroom door, his mother had announced some evening a month or so ago that Itachi had a girlfriend.

Letting out a withheld breath all at once, Sasuke shut his door and flopped on his bed.

_I'm tired… of thinking…_

He lay on his bed, his limbs strewn every which way with one leg nestled under tussled blankets. Eyelids were closed as he just breathed evenly, hardly moving at all when his brain began to supply images. Abominable images of various fantasy and wishes that would probably never come true. Facial features twisted as his eyes opened and zeroed in on what he had created with such lewd thoughts. It was only natural his body had responded, yes only natural to fantasize about things that would never happen.

His left hand moved to caress the underside of his arousal through his thin cotton boxers for a moment before raising his hips to slide them off. It always felt better completely free of clothing and constrictions.

Palming himself in his left hand he wondered faintly if Itachi's resembled what he had in any way. Would touching Itachi be like touching himself? _No, it'd feel better. Much better. So much better._ His hand would grip Sasuke's shaft firmly, slowly stroking his length to erection, Sasuke imagined. It would be in some private place, like the cramped hall closet while the annual Uchiha Christmas party was in full swing downstairs. No one would likely find them there.

Sasuke's right index and middle finger touched his lips as he imagined Itachi kissing him sensually while he rubbed his younger brother off unbeknownst to their family downstairs. Itachi would pull away slightly to stare into the depths of his eyes and just smile.

"Aah."

Squeezing his shaft as he imagined Itachi would, he leaned forward as if to capture those smiling lips before settling back onto wrinkled sheets only to throw his head back into his pillow. His grip tightened as he imagined Itachi would say something profoundly erotic, whispering sexy vulgar things into his ear while he touched him. Something like, 'Do you want to feel my mouth around your dick, little brother? Do you want to watch as I swallow your-'

Before that thought could even be completed Sasuke was on edge, imagining his hands buried in long raven hair as eyes that looked so much like his own stared up from their vantage point where Itachi's mouth completely enveloped his manhood.

Biting his lower lip, Sasuke came shooting his load onto his lower stomach as the rest oozed from the tip and ran down over his fist to pool on his wild pubic hair. He stroked twice more then just held his dick, rubbing his thumb in the puddle of cum at the base where it matted his pubes to his skin.

Breathing deeply, he felt better, not as depressed as before though it still lingered. So he lay there in his messy state just feeling, breathing, and listening until he heard a car coming, too close to be on the street. The noise ceased shortly after and Sasuke realized someone had pulled into the drive. Hopping up, he jumped to the window to peek out of the blinds only to see an expensive black sports car. The sound of the doorbell and knocking rang throughout the house before silence, then the door being opened.

Panicking Sasuke jumped over his bed to retrieve his boxers, thinking minutely that he should have cleaned himself up before sliding them over his mess as he bounded to his chest of drawers to pull out and pull on the first shirt he grabbed. Opening another drawer he pulled out some shorts and jerked them on when he heard a husky 'Hello?' echo throughout the house.

Itachi.

_Oh shit._

Suddenly remembering his left hand being in the state that it was, Sasuke shoved his hand into his pocket and rubbed most of what he could get off in the lining of the pocket. Then, running his hands through his hair he opened his bedroom door and padded to the staircase quiet-like to peek at two people taking their coats off in the foyer. One was noticeably Itachi, the other a buxom blonde that looked oddly familiar.

_Not her. He didn't bring her…_

Sasuke made a face just as Itachi looked up and caught sight of his little brother. _That smile _crossed his features, "Oh I didn't think you were up."

Sasuke internally melted at that tone, but maintained his look of distaste as the blonde followed Itachi's gaze to look up at him. She waved, absently smiling up at him and offering a sugary-sweet 'hello'.

"Hi." Sasuke said to the woman then focused on his brother, "It's not that early."

"I suppose you're right," Itachi then turned to 'his' woman then looked back up to Sasuke, "Sasuke, I'd like for you to meet Ino."

_Ino._ Click. _Yes, her. Middle school._

"We've met before," Sasuke deadpanned and withheld from saying anything more.

"It's been so long, I thought you would have forgotten me," Ino smiled up at Sasuke clearly ignoring his distaste for her.

"Well, you do have that sort of affect on people, sweetheart."

_Sweetheart?_

The blonde's giggles rang throughout the residence, but Sasuke had already tuned her out.

"I guess you're right," she gushed clearly expressing the emotion she felt toward Itachi. It was sickening really, but Sasuke wasn't listening. In his own little world, he was dying.


	2. Chapter 2

_He can't be serious! Sweetheart?! That's not in his vocabulary! _Then a sudden change of thought, _apparently it is. What the hell though? Where is the Itachi that I know, admire, …and lo-?_

"Sasuke?"

The teen blinked back into reality, his inner rant momentarily forgotten when his name was called by the man he had just been fantasizing about only moments before he had unexpectedly arrived. The evidence already soaked through his boxers and the remainder gummed up his left pocket. He hadn't ejaculated that much in a while, though with semester exams the week prior, he hadn't done much for the exception of some last minute studying. Too bad he hadn't followed in Itachi's footsteps or this year would be his senior year instead of his junior. Things would have been easier since most were preparing to be shipped off to university, and he would have had time to do other things. Like tossing off to crass fantasies that involved his elder brother among other things.

"Uh, yeah?"

"I said, will you help me with our luggage?"

"Sure."

As Sasuke padded down the stairs and drew near to his brother and Ino, he had to force down any emotions that threatened to well up inside his warring mind. He certainly didn't want anything to show on his face or be heard in his voice, discomfort, anger, or otherwise. Itachi could read him like a book, which was disconcerting and troublesome at times when Sasuke would rather not talk about whatever was bothering him. Though, it hadn't happened in the years since Itachi had stopped visiting, since he also never called, the time apart did not mean that he had lost that particular ability.

"Ino, my parents won't be around for a while so feel free to look around while we unload the car."

She smiled sweetly, "Ok, 'Tachi." _The hell? _And then sweetly pecked him on the cheek. The sight in itself was reviling, but the cutesy butchering, cutting off of one _&%*#ing _letter, to make Itachi's name a sort of pet name was completely uncalled for.

In response Itachi smiled _that smile_ before giving her a kiss on the cheek in return while she slipped out of her shoes.

At this point in time, beating one's head against a wall sounded like a good idea to Sasuke. If they acted like this toward one another all the time… _My God. Please, no. I won't be able to take much more of this_, thought Sasuke as he shifted from one foot to the other and watched Ino wander into the living room to admire the Christmas decor. Itachi turned away from the direction Ino was headed and back to face Sasuke, that smile was still stretched across his features leading Sasuke headlong into a world of doubt.

Itachi raised his eyebrows and his smile slowly faded after a moment of silence passed between them, "Are you going to stand there all day?"

"No," Sasuke muttered glumly and turned away, looking down to locate his shoes and slip on a pair as Itachi opened the front door and stepped outside. Following shortly after and leaving the door open a crack just incase they both had their hands full, then did Sasuke really see Itachi's new car. He had left for college in an old beat up Toyota corolla and returned with a shiny black 1974 corvette in what looked to be mint condition. Just the thought of insurance on such a car would be mind blowing considering Itachi's age, but the actual price of such a car…nearly inconceivable for a used car even if it was a classic.

Sasuke hung back taking slow steps as he took a long sweeping once over of the car, imagining how Itachi looked in it. One word: _Hot._

Itachi opened the driver's door allowing Sasuke to glimpse the black leather interior before he planted his right knee into the driver's seat and bent over and into the car to retrieve something on the passenger side. One moment was all it took to cover the length of Itachi's body and finally take in the sight of him bent over, even if the car door obscured most of his legs. His pants bunched, gathered, and stretched taut over his body, and looked especially tight across the ass. To say Sasuke's eyes were glued to that ass was a complete understatement.

"Sasuke," a gruff voice beckoned him back to the realm of reality.

His eyebrows raised in question as his eyes looked up through the windshield and into those of his elder brother, whose expression matched his impatient tone as he held out a bag.

Realizing his mistake Sasuke rounded the door and took in the view from a closer vantage point before taking the proffered bag. Itachi turned back into the car without further reprove, pushing the passenger seat forward to get to more luggage in the small compartment behind the seats.

Standing still behind his brother, Sasuke took in the form of his fantasies noting that his brother bulked up some in the past few years. He observed the bulk of his arms and strength of his back through the pristine un-tucked white button down shirt, and lingered on his curvaceous backside through black slacks a little longer than necessary. Trying with all his might to ignore the crescent of skin where his shirt had ridden up, he willed his body not to respond to such an innocent display. It's not like Itachi was in such a position to tease or seduce anyone, much less his younger brother.

Thrusting another small carrying bag behind himself, Itachi bent over further into the car. Sasuke mindlessly took the bag and continued to stand there ogling until Itachi jerked out a small suitcase and righted himself. His long ponytail flopped over his shoulder to fall and rest between his shoulder blades as he glanced over his opposite shoulder, then looked away.

"I know it's been a while, Sasuke," he said as he shut his car's door, "but I haven't changed that much. So quit gawking."

"I wasn't gawking," Sasuke quickly retorted defensively as his brow furrowed.

Suddenly, Itachi wrapped his free left arm tight around Sasuke's neck pulling their faces close. _That smile_ graced his features and stole the breath right from his lungs, "Yes, you were."

Itachi then pulled away, but left his arm around his younger brother's shoulder as he laughed merrily and began walking to the front door pulling Sasuke along the first few steps before he found his footing.

_He…he's teasing me?!_

"Oh by the way," Itachi said as he removed his arm and they reached the front door, "you smell like hot ass. I don't mind if you've got someone stowed away in your room, but you'll want to say your goodbyes soon if you don't want the parents to find out about them."

Then, Itachi just continued to smile, pushed the door open, and walked inside before turning back, "Oh, and don't forget to shower, and get rid of that." His eyes pointed out the problem.

The freezing wind wrapping around Sasuke's poorly clothed frame didn't bother him much if at all, though his breathing became shallow as he stared ahead wondering what he had done in a previous life to deserve this. Embarrassment couldn't begin to describe the level of his humiliation. Despite this, he watched as Itachi set the small suitcase down on the floor of the foyer and slip his shoes off, then followed his lead.

_Yes, wouldn't want Ino to see that._

Setting the bags down gently, Sasuke turned and closed the front door and locked the deadbolt before turning back around to slip his shoes off.

"Sasuke, go ahead and take all of the luggage upstairs to my room. I'm going to show Ino around." With that he disappeared into the living area leaving Sasuke alone in the foyer with the two bags and the suitcase.

_He's barely been here five minutes and already commented on my hygiene, pointed out that I have a boner, and is ordering me around as if I were his pack mule, awesome. That's the kind of shit made of win._

Sasuke repressed a grimace and a heartfelt sigh, the depression was seeping back in, but at least he did not have to spend Christmas alone up in his room. He had a reason to come down this go around, even if the blonde pasted herself to Itachi for the duration of their stay. Shivering at that thought, Sasuke grabbed the bags and suitcase then headed for the stair. Glancing into the living room all nonchalant, he spied the couple gazing into the lights of the Christmas tree and admiring all of its adornments. He hesitated longer than he should have, remembering that night while watching them until Itachi looked up. They merely blinked at one another until Sasuke turned and climbed the staircase.

Alone with his thoughts again, Sasuke began to doubt that Itachi had any feeling toward him what so ever. The little things, like the way he acted around Ino verses Sasuke was proof that things weren't as he thought they were. Something so simple as a drunken kiss four years previous, shouldn't have lingered as long as it had, and the reminder that it had taken place was a cold stab to Sasuke's heart. Though he scowled, anger and disappointment settling in, the stab of jealousy also marred his heart causing it to grow that much colder.

Frowning as he reached Itachi's bedroom door, Sasuke set down the suitcase and turned the knob cautiously, then released it to let the door swing open. The room was just as Itachi left it sans what he had taken with him before his first semester of college. A TV, a couple of models, normal furniture, and not much else had been left, but it still reeked of Itachi. That it was once his was obvious even if most of what he had was long gone, and the smell brought back early childhood memories that Sasuke had of sneaking into Itachi's room to climb into bed with him after a nightmare, or when he was older Itachi would share a new game he had purchased and would play well into the night regardless of their mother's scolding. Then again, the smell could just be the fresh sheets and Pine-sol…

Taking hold of the suitcase's handle, Sasuke toted it into the room and deposited it along with the two bags onto the queen size bed. He then turned and exited the room, and shut the door behind himself.

Hearing feminine laugher ring throughout the house, Sasuke decided to take that shower suggested by his helpful and loving brother. If anything, it would relax the tension beginning to form as the stress of the tumultuous morning began to set in.

Removing his clothing slowly after closing the door soundly, Sasuke peeled off the fabric that was plastered to his skin and threw the garments on the tile floor as he reached out with a free hand to open the shower door and turn the hot water on. While he waited he sat on the toilet lid, testing the water every now and then, and adjusting the water as necessary until he was content. He sighed as he stepped under the warm spray and let it beat down on his back where his muscles were bound tight with tension. Slowly he began to relax, dipping his head back into the spray to wet his hair and run his fingers through until it was soaked completely. He shampooed and conditioned, then washed his body leisurely. So much time had passed that his fingers had already started to become wrinkled when he decided that he was finally done. Turning the knobs off and opening the opaque shower door, Sasuke had every intention of getting a towel, but then again he didn't expect Itachi to be sitting on the toilet lid.

"Itachi!" Sasuke shrieked, slamming the glass door shut with enough force to nearly break it and himself as he slid against the wet tiled wall and sat down on the shower floor hard, his leg was forcibly kicked out from under his weight kicking the shower door back open. The door swung on its hinges as Sasuke winced, leaned forward, and rubbed where he had fallen.

"What the hell?!"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah! No thanks to you," Sasuke huffed. "Shit! Get me a towel!"

Itachi turned to open the bath closet and pulled out a large fluffy towel only to throw it at Sasuke's seated form, "Here."

"I could have been hurt!" Sasuke roared, pouting on the inside.

"You'd pull through even if, besides you smell better."

Sasuke flushed, whether it had been from the warmth of the shower or an entirely different reason, well that was for the viewer to decide. Quickly, Sasuke covered himself with the towel and stood up in the shower only to close the door. He dried off his hair and body hurriedly, then wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the door once again, "So?" On the inside he fumed, but couldn't bring himself to yell hateful words that he didn't mean.

"So?"

"What do you want?" Narrowed eyes surveyed the elder warily. All that could be implied was lost for the moment.

Itachi merely smiled ruefully, "I'm sorry. Ino and I were going to go for some take-out since it's close to lunch time, and I wanted to know if you wanted anything while we were out."

Sasuke's anger deflated some.

There was something about that innocent look, that innocent excuse, something…

"Uh…sure?"

_AN: Please, don't feel sorry for Sasuke. . I'm still mad at him for killing Itachi._


	3. Chapter 3

There was a tense pause that lasted a brief moment while the brothers simply stared each other down. Sasuke broke the silence first.

"Is that all?"

"We'll be right back."

"Right."

Cold eyes glared after the elder even though he didn't look back as he closed the door soundly. The depression was seeping back into his bones, and he didn't have the strength to stop it. Suddenly, he realized that he welcomed the pain that coursed his body. Maybe even felt he deserved it for all the sinful, explicit thoughts that he dwelled upon. It was _wrong_ to feel such a way for someone of the same blood as he, that much he understood, yet forwent. What would he have if he didn't hang on to such ludicrous fantasies?

He'd be blank and devoid of emotion, life would hardly have meaning if any at all, and he wouldn't be the person he was now. He was shaped by his experiences, emotions, and memories. Especially the ones that involved Itachi. Not just because he's known him since infancy, or that they had such an intense brotherly bond, it went so much deeper than that.

What if Itachi had never kissed Sasuke?

Sasuke stared mindlessly at the door for a moment, just listening with his thoughts spinning wildly. The sound of voices, feminine laughter, then the front door closing with finality, finally jarred him. He looked to the pale tiled floor and walked forward.

He sighed and left the bathroom door ajar.

_Fuck me._

He scowled as he padded barefoot down the wood floor of the upstairs hall to his room. Once entered, he closed his door softly and turned the lock with a faint 'click'. He slipped the towel from around him and let it slide to the floor in a heap. The towel lay forgotten as the teenage boy flopped back onto his soiled sheets, as nude as he was, and in the same mindset he was only this morning.

In his mind's eye he saw the details of his elder brother's face, his body, his expressions, his moods, his quirks, the glint in his eyes, the pink of his lips…the list went on. His lips especially intrigued Sasuke. The way he smiled got him. It made his heart ache and almost smile back before he'd catch himself every time.

He stared at the wide winter sky out of his bedroom window. It seemed to stretch forever, as endlessly as his thoughts of Itachi. He frowned contemptuously at the sky when he heard his familiar cell ring tone sound from his computer desk. He lay there a moment contemplating whether to waste effort in order to retrieve it and probably talk to someone he didn't want to, or just lay there and let the caller catch voicemail.

On a whim, he decided to answer, slowly rising out of bed to stride over and palm the small vibrating contraption. _Naruto_, it read. Pushing the answer button a little harder than necessary, he brought the phone to his left ear.

"Hello?"

"Whoa! You just wake up? You sound like shit." Ever the one of poignancy…

"No."

"Oh. What's wrong? Something happen?"

"You could say that."

"So?"

Sasuke hesitated, no one knew about his secret desires, nor did he want anyone to learn of them. If he thought he was sick, what would someone else think? He decided to at least let his best friend in on a little bit of his life. Naruto practically told him everything…

"Remember Ino from middle school?"

"Hm…yeah. Flat as a board…kind of a bitch, _though hot_. Always chased after you? You know…I think she and Sakura are still friends. You having second thoughts about hooking up with her?"

Sasuke could _hear_ the grin through the phone, but rolled his eyes and sat at the foot of his bed to rest his left elbow on his knee.

"No. Apparently she's taken." The flat tone wasn't lost on deaf ears.

"_Snort. _With who?"

"Itachi."

"Ouch. Couldn't have you, so she went to all lengths to stay in the family… That's a bit much. Does your brother know she used to hound you?"

Sasuke sighed, "It doesn't matter. They're visiting, and they're all over each other. It's fucking sick."

His gut twisted even though he got off his chest what he'd been wanting to scream. Though that wasn't the half of it.

"Damn. Wish I could be there…" Naruto sounded genuine, but his words caused Sasuke to make a face.

"So you could witness him humiliating me? He's been acting like a dick."

"I'd totally back you up! We'd double team his ass! Like we did when we were kids!"

Sasuke smirked at the sexual implications of that exclamation.

"You have better things to do. Like finger banging Sakura until she squeals."

"Yeah. There is that."

Sasuke could practically _feel_ Naruto slipping into a dream-like state. He decided to change the subject.

"So, what did you need?"

"Huh?"

"What did you call for, dumb-ass?"

"Oh. Uh….Hmmmm. I forgot."

Sasuke wasn't surprised in the least, "Call me back later when you remember." He didn't wait for a dignified answer and just pressed the end call button.

He'd never admit it but he was a bit jealous of what Naruto had with Sakura. Not that he envied being either of them in the same situation, but rather that they could be free to express their feelings toward one another without being ridiculed or even hated for doing so. Sasuke never had the pleasure of doing that, and probably never would with the way things were going. He was all alone with his thoughts and fantasies. Though he could only imagine how people would react to his admittance of being gay. The idea of admitting incestuous love for his own brother wouldn't be taken into consideration. That was beyond his comprehension. Anyone having a gay incestuous relationship could hardly flaunt said relationship without receiving monumental backlash from people of all walks of life. It was a deliciously hopeless situation.

He needed to let this go. He was resolved with this notion, but didn't know if it was fleeting or concrete. How could he suddenly deny the feelings that he'd been having for years?

Reality was sinking in along with the depression. _They were practically holding hands while skipping and singing a merry tune. _Itachi was right in front of him, yet he couldn't seem further away than he did at this particular moment.

Sasuke suddenly wanted to forget by any means necessary. He wanted to drink. He wanted to smoke. He wanted to do anything that would take his mind off of reality. Anything.

That tone sounded again. It was becoming annoying to him, but he crushed the on button and brought the device to his left ear. He didn't dignify the caller with a greeting, he knew who it was without looking.

"Concert."

If he had been standing in front of Sasuke, he would imagine that Naruto would be pointing at him when he said that.

"Concert?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"Tonight at The Piranha."

The Piranha was a bar that on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday invited local and touring bands to play a gig. It was the local hangout for teens and young adults that craved to see live music performances for cheap. Absolutely nothing was better on a Saturday night than to hang out with friends, listen to some badass music, and/or hook up with a certain someone you've had your eye on.

Sasuke went a few times with Naruto, but it wasn't exactly his favorite thing to do. He had other interests. Naruto, on the other hand, thrived on going to The Piranha. Somehow, even though his hands were marked with thick black marker in crooked Xs denoting him a minor, he managed to acquire alcohol.

"The Piranha Christmas Bash. I've told you about this before."

He had.

"Sakura's gonna bail, but you're still on, right?"

Sasuke turned the thought of going, over in his mind.

"Right?"

It would be a chance to lose himself.

"Sasuke?"

"What time?"

"I'll pick you up at 8:30"

"Ok."

Sasuke ended the call there and just stared ahead of him at the wall with his head slightly tilted. He wasn't sure what to do anymore.

The muffled roar of an engine dying alerted Sasuke that he had to confront his fears and his problems at one time or another. He stood up and padded over to the window to watch Itachi duck out of his classic sports car gracefully. Ignoring the blonde entirely, his eyes traced Itachi's figure until he stopped moving entirely once he reached the front of the car. He looked up to his brother's face to see dark eyes looking back at him. For a brief moment they stared until Ino sidled up next to Itachi to hand him the fast food they had purchased. Sasuke turned before the woman could see him.

Looking around his room he suddenly remembered to dress. Yes, he had to dress and head downstairs to eat and make friends with someone he otherwise wouldn't give the time of day. And of course be tormented by his own thoughts, as well as the object of his suppressed affection.

He managed to slip on a pair of boxers and shorts before a rapid knock sounded throughout his room.

"I'll be down in a minute, Itachi." Sasuke said gruffly.

"It's Ino. Can I come in?"

Sasuke paused in pulling a t-shirt over his head to regard his door. His initial surprise melted into irritation.

"Why?" He asked while straightening his t-shirt.

"I'd rather speak face to face for what I have to say."

Sasuke looked around his room wondering about what this woman, scratch that, girl had to say.

Unlocking his door and turning the handle, Sasuke opened the door a crack to see Ino wringing her hands with a blush cresting her cheeks. Though this situation was almost déjà vu like in intensity, her eyes didn't convey undying lust.

"Hi…"

That shy word caused Sasuke extreme discomfort as the mood shifted between them, but he replied in return, "Hi."

"I'd just like to apologize," she spoke while gesturing, "for the past." Sasuke inwardly groaned. "And I just wanted to leave the past behind us and start off new."

"Ino?" Came a call from the downstairs dining area.

"I hope that we can be friends," she said as she started to move toward the stair, and stepped down without looking back or waiting for an answer whether of acceptance or denial.

Though on the outside Ino seemed to have pure intentions, Sasuke knew better. She always had an angle back then, and despite the outward change of appearance, he doubted she changed so much on the inside.

Frowning, Sasuke stepped out of his room and closed the door. He strained to listen to the conversation downstairs as he padded to the stair. Hushed whispers could hardly be deciphered as Sasuke took each step down the stair with ease, careful of making noise.

"Do you think this is for the best?"

"Don't worry," he reassured her, "It may come as a shock at first but-" The sentence was abruptly cut off as Sasuke reached the bottom of the stair. The couple could not be seen as they were in the kitchen, but it was obvious that they knew he was close enough to cut short their conversation.

Sasuke's frown deepened, they were talking about something that they didn't want anyone to know about. At least not yet. His suspicions flourished and the first thing that came to mind was marriage. _No. _His stomach dropped at the thought causing him actual physical pain.

"Hey! That's mine."

"Wouldn't you rather share?" Itachi's smooth voice drawled.

There was a pause, then Ino giggled profusely, "Be still! You'll bite my fingers!"

Without the memory of actually walking, Sasuke rounded the corner down the hall to stand at the entrance of the kitchen. Ino was feeding Itachi by hand several French fries. They didn't look up at him. It was as if they were in their own little world, and the knot in Sasuke's stomach wrenched.

That night almost four years ago resurfaced. Several relatives that had been at the party were from out of town, and the guest room along with Itachi's was taken. After their lips had touched, Sasuke merely blushed and acted like nothing had happened. Hoisting Itachi back to a standing position took time, but even though he was unsteady, they managed to get him back up. Walking up the stairs was another feat that took several more minutes than it should have, but they made it.

Itachi was strangely silent, but Sasuke was still reeling from what had happened downstairs. He pointedly looked in the opposite direction of his elder brother as he guided him to his room. Once inside Sasuke's bedroom the two brothers fell on the bed with nothing but moonlight to illuminate the room. Itachi was huffing slightly from exertion, but stared at Sasuke whose eyes shifted at first, but looked back into deep dark eyes with curiosity. His cheeks had been pink revealing his awkwardness, yet he was entranced.

Itachi's hand moved to cup Sasuke's cheek. His thumb stroked the color that blossomed on such fair skin, and though the alcohol could be smelt on his breath and the taste lingered on his lips, the moment was not ruined for Sasuke. He watched his brother as Itachi stroked his cheek and pet his hair lovingly until he fell asleep.

The details were fuzzy now, as if it were a dream. _Maybe it was. _Thought Sasuke as he stared at the couple occupying the small dinette in his parent's kitchen. Laughing and eating as if all were right in the world in this one moment.

Then, Itachi tilted his head in the direction of the doorway, catching his younger brother staring. Itachi smiled softly at Sasuke's blank stare, and turned back to Ino.

AN: The Piranha is an actual club/bar (though gay and the club/bar from the story is not based on the actual existing club/bar.) The Piranha calls Las Vegas, Nevada home should you ever want to visit. I claim no ownership and am not profiting from its name.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: This chapter contains illegal drug usage. I do not condone any such drug usage, and do not recommend doing such drugs in any way, shape, or form.

It was as if that look had been one of dismissal, but Sasuke didn't dwell on that thought. If he had to admit that he had been emotionally wounded by a look, he'd die first. Instead, he walked to the table and sat across from Itachi.

"Finally decided to grace us with your presence?"

Ino suppressed a giggle.

"I could ask you the same question," was Sasuke's reply.

Now it was known that he had been upset by the bastard's absence. Smooth. The room was now thick with tension, and Sasuke had Itachi's full attention. The two stared at each other while Sasuke tried to discern what exactly the look Itachi was giving him meant. Was it guilt?

Ino cheerily clapped her hands after a lengthy moment of silence, "Well, we're all here now!"

The spell between the brothers broke and they looked away from the other, the air evermore tense than but a moment before. Ino glanced worriedly at Itachi, but he ignored her and reached into a greasy paper bag to retrieve the food he had purchased for Sasuke.

Suddenly Sasuke felt guilty for ever saying anything in the first place. It's not like Itachi intentionally avoided his family for so many years. There was no way that he ignored Sasuke on purpose…

Itachi reached over the table to hand Sasuke the chicken sandwich he had purchased for him. Sasuke merely took the sandwich without looking at Itachi, opened the wrapper, and took a bite.

"So, how are your grades?"

"They're fine," Sasuke said through his mouthful of food. He savored the taste of the tomato and chicken. Itachi had remembered his favorite sandwich… Of course he had, he _was_ his brother after all.

Sasuke suddenly looked from Ino to Itachi, swallowed the food in his mouth, then asked, "How…did you two meet?"

Itachi looked at Ino, then Ino looked to Sasuke, "Well, after middle school, you, Naruto, and Sakura went to different high schools than Shikamaru, Choji, and I, but our university week was the same week as yours. Anyway, Sakura and I ended up hanging out at a nearby coffee shop after our tour at Itachi's university, where we bumped into him. He looked so much like you that Sakura and I had to ask him if he was related to you." Ino made a wild gesture with her hands, folded them together, and smiled looking back to Itachi, "And we hit it off from there."

They smiled at each other for a moment, and Sasuke frowned. So much time had passed between them. It wasn't as if Itachi wouldn't live his life like he was waiting for someone, least of all his brother. Maybe that was Sasuke's problem. All these years he had been waiting, for what he no longer knew.

He took another bite of his sandwich and chewed slowly as he watched the couple across the table from himself. He couldn't help but think that something was off…

They both looked back at Sasuke to catch him scrutinizing them, before turning back to their food.

"Have you chosen which university you'll attend yet, Sasuke?" Ino asked sweetly.

Sasuke's eyes shifted from Itachi to Ino to answer her plainly, "Not yet."

"Ino plans to attend the university that I attended."

"If I can get in!"

"I promised to help you, didn't I? Besides, it's simpler than you think. You just have to-"

Sasuke zoned out after that until he realized he was taking the last bite of his sandwich, he had eaten his food much faster than he thought he had. With the jovial conversation between love birds, he was easily distracted it seemed. Especially with the inner turmoil that seemed to rage through him. He felt hopeless and lost, angry and jealous all at the same time. He also felt betrayed even though he knew that Itachi had a girlfriend for the past month. Originally he had ignored the information his mother had passed on. It was a ludicrous idea that Itachi had a girlfriend, and even if he did, Sasuke had imagined someone a little more cultured…imagined someone a bit more like himself.

"-a detailed personal experience that explains exactly who you are, and what goals you plan to accomplish."

"I know, but I can't think of any one experience like that…"

"Once you dig deep enough, you'll think of something you've never taken time to look at properly and suddenly understand what it means to you."

Sasuke could feel Itachi's eyes on him, but didn't look up, just stared at his hands folded on the table top. He wanted to leave this situation, and that was his plan when he stood from the table, balled up the paper his sandwich was wrapped in, and tossed it in the trash can on his way out of the kitchen.

"Sasuke? I thought we'd spend some time together before mother and father got home."

Sasuke merely looked over his shoulder at his brother quickly making up an excuse, "I have a winter project to work on." Before Itachi could respond, Sasuke was already climbing the stair.

"Something seems to be bothering him…" Sasuke heard before he reached his room, but ignored it. He felt trapped, like everything was falling around him, and he couldn't think of a better way to escape. Snatching his cell he stabbed a few buttons and brought it to his left ear. It rang until a cheerful voice answered, "Sasuke!"

"Naruto, you doing anything?"

"Nah, just hanging with Kiba and Shino until the bash tonight. Why?"

"Come pick me up."

"Something wr-"

"Just honk when you get here, ok?"

"Ok, but-"

Sasuke cut him off by pressing the 'end call' button, and sat down on the edge of his bed.

He thought about how he may have to explain to Itachi or to their parents where he was going, but most of the time they didn't care. Usually Sasuke just left a note on the foyer table. Something along the lines of 'Went to Naruto's, be back late.' would suffice. Though, Itachi he couldn't predict. He was sure Itachi could sense his discomfort, could reason why he wanted to get out of the house.

Naruto only lived a street over. They had been friends practically before they were out of the womb because their mothers, Mikoto and Kushina, had been good friends. Their family lived only a few houses down then, before Naruto's parents died in a car crash. He was moved into his uncle Jiraiya's house one street over quickly after. Naruto was young then, and the accident had not seemed to affect him as much as it would have an older child, at least he never showed it if it did.

Sasuke found a pen and paper while he mused, and jotted down his usual note. He stood there a moment over his desk, staring at his note, then moved to stare out of the window down at Itachi's 'Vette.

Just when Sasuke started to think Naruto was taking too long, his metallic orange Pontiac Grand Prix pulled in behind Itachi's Corvette. He turned off his car, got out, and walked around Itachi's classic sports car. Kiba hopped out as well to gawk at the fine piece of machinery. They were talking, but they couldn't be heard.

He turned from the window, grabbed his jacket, his note, and walked out his door. Down the hall, down the stairs, and into the foyer to slip on his shoes. He left his note on the foyer table, and ignored the couple in the living area as he unlocked the front door, opened it, and stepped outside and away from the situation inside.

"You forgot to honk," Sasuke stated matter-of-factly as he closed the front door quietly.

"You would've forgotten too if you drove up behind this hot momma."

"Yeah. Let's get out of here before I'm missed."

"This is Itachi's ride?" Kiba asked pointing at the black sports car incredulously.

"No, it's my mom's," Sasuke answered sarcastically.

"Tch. No need to be an ass…"

Sasuke opened the rear passenger door on the driver's side of Naruto's orange car, and slid inside. Kiba slid into the front passenger seat, and finally Naruto, giving a longing look to Itachi's 'Vette, slid into the driver's seat.

"Damn, your brother has some class," Naruto commented just as he turned the key of his car and shifted into reverse.

Sasuke looked out his window just as Naruto backed out into the street and saw the sheer curtain in the living room window fall back into place. He stared at it, trying to see what was on the other side until he could see it no longer. Five short minutes found the boys back at Jiraiya's house. It went by in a blur for Sasuke who just stared out the window while Naruto and Kiba were talking about Itachi's Corvette.

All three slid out of the Grand Prix and were walking to the front door before Sasuke spoke, "Naruto, you got some?"

Naruto looked over his shoulder and grinned that huge grin of his, "What do you think we were about to do before you called?"

Smiling back, Sasuke stepped through the front door and made a bee-line for the basement stair tailing the other two, instantly realizing that the one who had stayed behind had obviously been busy.

"Weak, Shino!"

"Hey! He brought the stuff, be grateful he's going to share."

Sasuke breathed deeply of the intoxicating smoke wafting through the basement. It was a lovely sweet smell.

"Did you think I was going to wait?"

He stared at the TV in front of the couch he sat on. He was laid back, relaxed, staring fixedly at the screen with squinted eyes behind his round glasses.

"It's not like we're going to run out anytime soon, Kiba, you know me better than that."

Naruto hopped on an easy chair situated beside the couch while Kiba hopped over the back of the couch to flank Shino on his left. "Gimme that!" Kiba snatched the blunt from Shino's pinched fingers and drew deeply on what was left. Slowly Sasuke rounded the arm of the couch to sit on Shino's right and Naruto's left. Somewhere, Naruto procured his own freshly wrapped blunt, put it to his lips, and searched for a lighter. He patted his pockets, and stuck his right hand in his right pocket. Smiling in victory he jerked the lighter from his pocket and lit up.

"What took you guys so long?"

Letting out his withheld breath slowly, Naruto answered Shino's question, "Had to check out Itachi's new ride."

"What is it?"

"70's Corvette," Kiba replied.

"1974," Sasuke clarified.

Shino nodded, staring blankly at the TV that produced minimal sound. Sasuke vaguely wondered why Shino was watching with the sound tuned so low, but he realized he really didn't need a reason.

A tan hand entered Sasuke's peripheral, and he looked to Naruto's proffered hand. Gladly he took what Naruto offered. He could practically already feel his heart speed up as he brought the blunt to his lips and took a long drag. _Fuck_, if he ever needed this, now was the time. Replaying the events of the day he very slowly let out his withheld breath, and quickly took another hit.

Sasuke relaxed into the couch and stared at the TV while he thought about earlier and focused on getting rid of such stress. He took one more drag then passed the blunt back to Naruto.

_Itachi…_

Kiba fiddled with the channels and turned the volume up after a moment, and all four boys just sat in silence and smoked. Naruto passed back, and by the time Sasuke had a few more hits he was beginning to feel the affects. It was a nice feeling, a welcome reprieve from real life. Now nothing mattered, he suddenly lost the need to give a shit.

The others had a conversation with everyone and no one in particular while Sasuke just sat there and thought to himself. Soon he felt his mouth heat up and dry out, he needed something to drink.

"Anyone else want something to drink?" He suddenly asked before rising unsteadily. Sasuke knew where the refrigerator was, and knew Naruto would just tell him to go get something if he was thirsty or hungry.

Kiba was already digging into a bag of Cheetos Puffs and was somewhat sharing with Shino.

"Yeah!" Rang the chorus.

As he moved to the stair on sluggish feet Naruto caught and tugged at his shirt. Sasuke looked down into his smiling happy face. Sasuke looked at his best friend, really looked at him.

"Grab some Oreos, 'kay Sasuke?"

Sasuke couldn't help but smile and repress laughing at such a face that Naruto was making, then made his way up the stair and into the kitchen. He opened a cupboard and grabbed a glass, held it under the faucet, and turned the knob for 'cold' water.

He was so parched he downed the whole glass without taking a breath. Breathing deeply after, his eyes caught movement out of the kitchen window. The swaying movement caught his attention like a bright beacon.

Before Sasuke knew what he was doing, he was walking out the back door to see the object better. The thing swayed gracefully before stopping, repeating, and moving swiftly, then slowly. Dark hair fluttered gently with the movements, and Sasuke moved closer to the short hedge separating Jiraiya's yard from his neighbor's. He was almost touching the hedge now, and the person gracefully swaying suddenly spun around to face him.

Piercing golden eyes trained on him, and Sasuke suddenly had a shock of panic grip him. His eyes grew wide and he wondered if this person could tell if he was currently in an 'enhanced state of mind'. Sasuke reasoned with himself that he had black eyes, that it was hard to tell if he was high or not, but he couldn't help but think that his situation was probably obvious to any onlooker. Calming his sudden paranoia, he looked back at the one with the curious gaze.

His hair was long, black, and silken like Itachi's. It shined in the winter sunlight streaming down through the tall bare trees in the man's backyard, and Sasuke couldn't help but stare. He was shirtless, a fine sheen of sweat glittering on his pale skin, despite the temperature.

The man regarded him, tilting his head to the side slightly, "Are you lost?"


End file.
